In a revealing interview with Rolling Stone, New Zealand singer-songwriter Lorde (Ella Yelich-O’Connor) discussed her past 17-year age-gap relationship and the profound impact it had on her personal and artistic life.

The relationship, which began when Lorde was 16 and her partner was 33, has been a subject of public scrutiny due to the significant age difference. Despite the challenges, Lorde described the relationship as one that was filled with “real dignity and grace,” emphasizing the mutual respect that characterized their time together.

Reflecting on the dynamics of the relationship, Lorde acknowledged a recurring pattern in her past romantic involvements. She revealed that she often sought out older partners or mentors, subconsciously choosing individuals to “be God” in her life. This pattern, she believes, stemmed from leaving home at a young age and the subsequent struggle to find independence.

The breakup, which occurred in late 2023, was a pivotal moment for Lorde. She described the experience as “so painful,” yet noted that it was a catalyst for personal growth. During this period, she also made the decision to stop using birth control, which she stated had a significant emotional and physical impact on her.

The emotional turmoil from the breakup and the subsequent period of solitude led Lorde to introspection and self-discovery. She expressed a deep need to be alone to truly meet herself, marking a significant shift in her personal journey.

This period of emotional upheaval and self-reflection heavily influenced Lorde’s upcoming album, Virgin, set to release on June 27, 2025. The lead single, “What Was That,” encapsulates the raw emotions and experiences from this transformative time. Lorde described the song’s creation as a cathartic process, channeling her grief and confusion into the music.  

The lyrics of “What Was That” delve into themes of heartbreak, longing, and the complexities of past relationships. The song’s upbeat tempo contrasts with its introspective lyrics, creating a poignant reflection on love and loss.

Lorde’s openness about her past relationship and the lessons learned from it offers fans a deeper understanding of her personal evolution. It also sheds light on the complexities of age-gap relationships and the importance of self-awareness and growth.

As she prepares to release Virgin, Lorde continues to evolve both as an artist and as an individual, embracing the challenges and triumphs that come with personal growth and artistic expression.